


Proving a Negative

by genericfanatic



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Internalized Aphobia, Multi, a lot of offscreen uncomfortable sex, ace lance, everybody's ace fic, implied klance, non-enthusiastic consent
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-02
Updated: 2018-02-02
Packaged: 2019-03-12 13:00:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,372
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13547844
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/genericfanatic/pseuds/genericfanatic
Summary: Lance thought he knew exactly who he was and what he wanted.But the more he learns about himself and about various terms, the more confused he gets.AKA there are many paths to figuring out you're asexual





	Proving a Negative

**Author's Note:**

> heyyyy its a self-projection fic! Whoo!
> 
> I feel like I have more to say, but i dont. huh.

It started in the Garrison. 

“Piiiiiidge,” Lance poked him over and over, “Piiiidge. Pidge Pidge Pidge Pidge Pi—“

“Oh my god WHAT?!” he demanded looking over his laptop, and clearly furious at being interrupted. 

“We’re heading down to Emily’s party in the lounge.” Lance smiled, “Should be a lot of cute giiirls! Come on!”

“No thank you.” He said sharply. 

Lance grumped, but slowly, a sly smile slid onto his face. He tucked his chin over the top of the screen, much to Pidge’s displeasure. “Leave,” Pidge said without looking up. 

“I know what you’re problem is~” Lance sang.

“You?”

“No!” Lance said, offended, “It’s you! You’re afraid to talk to girls!” 

Pidge rolled his eyes more aggressively than Lance thought possible. “I can’t even begin to tell you how wrong you are.”

“Suuure,” Lance said, not believing him, “Why else won’t you come any time Hunk and I go to parties?”

“Because I have better things to do than watch you make an ass of yourself?” Pidge suggested. 

“Hey!” Lance protested, “I am SMOOTH. That’s my middle name!”

“Your middle name is ‘Charles’” Hunk said walking in. 

Lance blew a raspberry at him. “Help me convince Pidge to come to the party tonight.”

“Ah, man,” Hunk said, dropping his backpack on his bed, “Do I have to go to that?”

Pidge let out a laugh as Lance frowned at him. “YES you have to go, we’re ALL going, we’re a TEAM dammit, and I’m your leader! And I say we’re going!” 

“Great leadership skills, Lance.” Pidge snickered. 

Lance rolled over on his back dramatically. “Come OOONN. I’ll wingman for you!”

“If I ever want to offend literally every woman alive I’ll take you up on that offer,” Pidge said, attempting to return to his work. 

“Hey! I’m a great wingman! And you may not have traditional attractiveness, but you’ve got a nerdy charm. I’ll get all the girls SWARMING to you.”

Pidge flinched. Lance watched the movement with a close eye. “…or…” he said hesitantly enough it actually grabbed Pidge’s attention, “…boys?” Lance suggested.

Pidge blushed incredibly. “I mean. I don’t. I…uh…”

“Hey, hey, its not a problem, man,” Lance said, “I can wingman for the gays too.”

“No, uh…I mean…I’m not exactly…At least I don’t think I…” Pidge gulped, adjusting his glasses. 

“Lance, back off,” Hunk told him, and Lance backed away when he was electrocuted. “It’s okay, man,” Hunk said to Pidge from his own bed, “You don’t have to know.”

Pidge took of his glasses, cleaning them on his shirt. “I just. I don’t know. I don’t think I’m gay, I just…I’m not sure if I’m…straight.”

“Maybe Ace?” Hunk suggested. 

Both Lance and Pidge turned to him in confusion. “What’s that?” Lance asked. 

“Asexual?” Hunk asked, “Like, no attraction to anyone?”

Pidge slammed his laptop shut. “That’s a THING?!” He shouted. 

Hunk’s eyes went wide, surprised at getting a reaction from him. “Uh, yeah. My mom’s are really involved in the queer community, so like, they taught me about that kinda stuff. There’s tons of resources online if you wanna check it out.”

Pidge flipped his computer back open and started typing furiously, burying himself in the screen’s glow. 

Lance tapped his foot on his own mattress, thinking. What must that be like, not being attracted to anyone? He thought back to his parties, the desire to have someone look at him, the desire to be in a relationship with hugs and kisses and holding each other…he couldn’t really imagine life without those things. 

“’Asexual, the lack of sexual attraction, which is different than desire or drive,’” Pidge read off his computer, “There’s a word for it…” he said reverently to himself. 

“Wait,” Lance said, “How’s it different than desire or drive?”

“Well, the attraction bit is just like, when you look at someone, and you kinda wanna have sex with them, you know?” Hunk said, “But there’s other kinds of attraction, like romantic or even just aesthetic. There’s…a lot of terms, it’s all kinda nuanced.”

Lance blinked, not entirely understanding. “So…like…” he scratched his head, “I don’t understand.”

“It’s okay, bud,” Hunk said, smiling, “You don’t have to understand for yourself, just accept that Pidge is.”

“Of course!” Lance said, “I didn’t mean I wouldn’t! Pidge, I swear I didn’t mean that,” Lance said, looking over at him. 

“It’s fine, Lance,” Pidge said, too enthralled with his computer to actually be mad.

Lance was still troubled, the varied differences in attraction and desire and what not were still…hard to wrap his head around. He didn’t want to ask more and risk actually offending Pidge and his new found discovery but…he didn’t understand. 

Hunk patted him on the shoulder, “C’mon, lets head to that party. I think Pidge is gonna be researching the rest of the night.”

Lance nodded, and followed. 

 

Lance had two girlfriends at the Garrison. 

The first, Karen, was not the first love that songs had promised him. She was…fine. Cute. Had said “I don’t see why not” when asked to a school dance, and had kissed him back at the dance itself. 

His first kiss was also…kinda disappointing. Enjoyable, sure, but no fireworks, no spark, nothing that people talked about. Just…a kiss. He didn’t let Karen know that, but their relationship quickly petered out over summer vacation, with little more kissing or talking or anything. Lance was the one to end it and while they stayed friendly, they didn’t see each other much. She wasn’t the one, clearly, which is why Lance…why Lance didn’t feel anything after the initial jittery ‘someone likes me!’ feeling wore off.

Then there was the second…Brittany. Brittany was more like in the movies, having accepted an offer to go to the movies in a vague was it a date/was it not a date sort of ordeal, and they both ended up making out with each other by the end. This kiss was….also kinda disappointing. Felt good, still, but…no spark. 

Brittany was…nice. She was a year behind him, so they had very conflicting schedules and didn’t get to see each other in person often, but they texted a lot. It was easy to talk to her. Again, cute. Lance thinks. He…he thinks. 

He thought back to the conversation with Pidge and Hunk again, and the “desire to have sex with someone.” He felt that way with Brittany, right? Except, every time he thought about it, it felt wrong. Like he was invading on her privacy, or his or…or something. It felt weird trying to fantasize about people in real life, he decided, and put it out of his mind. 

It was on Brittany’s mind, though. That much was clear. Her hands strayed when they made out and she…moaned. A lot. She encouraged him to touch her in increasingly inappropriate places as she did the same to him a-and it felt good but—

“Hey, you okay?” she asked, partway through a makeout session. She was practically vibrating with energy. 

“Yeah!” he said, perhaps a touch too enthusiastically, “Why wouldn’t I be?” 

“You just…” she shook her head, “Nevermind.” She kissed him again and her hands…her hands made their way under his shirt. He liked the touch, and responded in kind. Every move she made he mirrored…until things got…REALLY inappropriate. 

And it felt good! It did! Until…

“I’m…I’m sorry,” He said, overly conscious of his body as they both sat at the edge of the bed.

She nodded slowly, thinking. “It’s…alright. I mean. First times are supposed to be awkward.”

He bit his lip, “Yeah…I mean, that’s why it’s a good thing we know each other so well, right? So its…it’s good.”

She sighed dramatically. “We’ll try again sometime.”

Instantly a weight fell in his stomach at the prospect of going through all this again. “Y-yeah. Sounds good.”

Brittany followed through with her promise on their next date, getting overly touchy as they watched a movie on her laptop in her dorm, her roommates cleared out. He wanted to watch the movie…he just…he just wanted to watch the movie. 

“Hey, what’s wrong?” She asked as he continued not really responding. 

“Nothing just. Good movie.” It really wasn’t. 

“C’mon, kiss me,” She said, but he swerved her. 

“Not…not right now.”

“What’s going on?” She demanded, “C’mon, I rarely get to see you, this is our one chance—“

“I just…I’m just watching—“

“The movie. Right,” she said, clearly pissed. She moved away from him, and he oddly missed her touch. 

He gulped, “Are you mad at me?”

“No,” she sighed, “I’m just. I’m just horny, okay? We’re teenagers it’s natural.”

Lance flinched. Sure, he’d been horny before but…like with his fantasies, in real life it felt…wrong. “I—I know,” he said. 

“It’s okay if you’re not ready,” she said, “We can like, move as slow as you want.”

He flinched at that. He was the older one, and the guy. He was supposed to be more…more…something. The sexually mature one. Not the one who was scared about being hot and heavy with someone. He took a breath and tried to remind himself that was probably just the toxic masculinity Hunk kept telling him about, but it…it still bugged him. “I uh…” He swallowed, “I…forgot about a paper, and…it’s late, I better get back.”

“What? What about the movie?” she asked.

“We’ll finish it later,” he said, getting his things, “Uh…bye.” He kissed her and then ran.

 

They broke up not long after that. There were a number of issues, mostly coming from a lack of communication on both their parts, he would conclude years later looking back. But it was…messy, and a lot of yelling and crying and…just…not good. 

He went back to flirting with girls. None responded to his over the top pickup lines. In some ways, it was a relief. 

 

It started in space.

Pidge was a girl, but still ace. They worked with Lance’s old nemesis Keith and his hero Shiro. They met a pair of aliens and one of them was really, really pretty, but didn’t respond to his flirtations any more than Earth girls.

Some aliens did, though. Starting with Nyma…

Nyma was pretty. And Lance thought he could probably stare into those purple orbs forever. And she was into him, it seemed, and very….very forward. She reminded him of Brittany. 

This was better, he thought, as he disobeyed orders and led Nyma through the castle. The problem, he deduced was that neither he nor Brittany were particularly experienced. That’s fine. But he needed someone who could like…show him the ropes. This was good, this was. This was good. Good. Really good. 

Of course then he was handcuffed to a tree.

To be honest, there was a second as Nyma was being pulled up to his ship and the blue lion started to be taken away that he was relieved. It was just….WAY too far too fast, and he wasn’t ready for something like that. Oh, shit, but his lion was being stolen. The panic came back. 

 

They got the lion back, Lance got the lecture of the century, they went to the Balmera and saved everyone, and then it was right back to saving the universe and all that jazz. 

One thing that was unexpected was the castle getting possessed. Pidge and Coran liked to say ‘corrupted’ but Lance was quite comfortable using the term possessed. And for the….however many-th time since getting into Space, Lance was left helpless and near dead.

But Keith saved him. At the last moment. By literally….pulling him out of the suction of space….coming to save him…

“Hunk…” Lance said, sitting in the common room and thinking hard thoughts, “How do you know if you’re gay?”

Hunk spit out his juice at the sudden question. “You’re gay?”

“Hey, I didn’t say that!” Lance protested, “I just…how can you like…tell?”

“Uhh,” Hunk scratched the back of his head, “Well, I’m demi-pan, so…I’m not the best person to ask? But…I mean, I think it’s just like…you see a guy of the same gender as you…and you’re attracted to them. Either sexually and/or romantically.” 

Lance screwed up his face, thinking. “Right but. Um. What does that feel like?”

“Uh. Well,” Hunk said, “I mean…sexually is kinda obvious, you want to have sex with them. Then romantically…I dunno, you wanna kiss them? Be in a relationship with them? It’s all kinda…mixed together. It can get confusing. But like, no one knows your feelings better than you.”

Lance scratched the back of his head. That was the problem. He didn’t know himself at all.

“He, dude,” Hunk said, leaning over to try and get in Lance’s eyeline, “What’s going on? What brought this on?”

Lance chewed his lip. “I want to emphasize right now that I’ve never had…oh god this is going to sound terrible, but bear with me. I’ve never had any problems with gay people. Like, my family was pretty chill on that whole thing, I even have the cliché gay uncle and everything. So, I knew and saw gay people a lot growing up but…I dunno, I never felt like that was me? I’ve just…always thought of myself as straight. But…maybe it was just like, expected or something? Like because I thought I would be, I kinda…forced myself to like girls?”

Hunk nodded, “Compulsory heterosexuality, that’s definitely a thing.”

“Yeah,” Lance said, “And…girls are…nice, they’re pretty. But there’s always been this thing like, kinda holding me back. So. Maybe it was because I’m…gay.” The words felt weird on his tongue. He kinda wanted to chew it back, as if he could un-say the word, but he knew Hunk wouldn’t be mean about it. God, but even still, it was so…embarrassing. 

“Well…it’s possible,” Hunk said. “It’s also possible you could like both, like maybe you’re bi or pan, like me. Or neither! Like Pidge. Or, uh…” He swallowed, “Now don’t hate me for this, but maybe you’re just a bit…inexperienced…”

Lance felt all his insides shrivel up inside him, and he felt like he might cry. 

He must have looked it too, as Hunk quickly leaped in, “That’s not a bad thing! You’re still young, and as much as you like to play the Casanova, no one expects you to be a sex god starting out.”

Lance thought back to Brittany, how awkward and painful that was, how terrible it ended. Was it his ever-mounting list of insecurities again, that tore them apart? Did he hurt her terribly just because he was inexperienced?

“Whoa, whoa, hey,” Hunk said putting a hand on Lance’s back. Lance didn’t even notice until Hunk touched him pinpricks of tears had crept out the corner of his eyes. “Deep breaths, okay? It’s alright.”

Lance swallowed, “I don’t know what I am…” he said.

Hunk sighed, sympathetic, “I know. Look, sexuality…sexuality’s confusing. It’s okay not to know, no one’s demanding labels from you. And if you do decide something and then change you’re mind, that’s okay too! It’s not set in stone.”

Lance took a deep breath. “I know…I know, It’s just. Ugh, I want to know my own brain. I want a relationship with…someone, I just don’t know who! And how can I pursue it if I don’t know!”

“Hey, hey, it’s okay,” Hunk said, hugging him, “C’mon now, breath for a second. Now. Is there a guy you had feeling’s for? Is that what made you think you’re gay?”

“You’re gay?”

Lance whipped around to see Keith walk in, sipping from a water pouch, one eyebrow raised at the pair. 

Quickly, Lance wiped the few tears that were on his face. When cornered, especially with the object of his hypothetical feelings right there, Lance reverted to his natural instincts of mocking. “’Snone of your business, Mullet!” 

Keith rolled his eyes at the insult. “This about that Senator Guy?”

After the Balmera and the ships destruction, Voltron was set as an escort for a fleet of refugee ships, guarding them as they made their way to a safe planet after the Galra had destroyed their last. And as depressing a tale as that was, it gave the paladins a few days off as they traveled at slow speeds and would only need to form Voltron if Galran ships approached. 

One of the leaders of the refugees was a Senator named Naven, a tall, handsome alien who enjoyed hearing about Earth. And Lance had plenty of stories to tell. 

Lance frowned, confused, but was a little worried to contradict him, as Keith and Hunk would no doubt then ask who he DID like, and he….he really didn’t want to say. “What do you know about it?” he deflected. 

Keith smirked, “I have a pretty good gaydar. He was totally into you if you wanted to pursue him.” 

Lance blushed. Ok, there weren’t…many people who were into Lance, and he remembered all of Hunk’s speeches about how ‘being in a relationship wasn’t a measuring stick for your worth as a person’ but still, that was…damn flattering. “Really?”

Keith nodded, plopping down on the sofa. “You should go for it. ‘Bout time you hit on someone who actually wants you.”

“Hey!” Lance said, “Rude.”

Keith smirked again, “Maybe getting laid will make you less…what was the word you used…. ‘Extra.’”

Lance stood up. “Maybe I will! At least I’ll get more action than YOU!” 

“Now, wait,” Hunk said putting his arms up, “Maybe you shouldn’t be rushing into—“

“Ooh, you got me there,” Keith interrupted him, “But for me that’s at least by choice.”

“Oh yeah?” Lance said, “Well you—you—“ Keith raised an eyebrow waiting for his response. “GAH!” Lance shouted, storming off down the hallway.

 

Okay, Lance downplayed how handsome the Senator was. He was like. Really handsome. And tall. Like a foot taller than Lance. And his skin was a kinda light blue and white, and medium royal purple hair that was lush and the exact perfect length to run your fingers through. Lance let himself imagine doing exactly that. That seemed…good. He could like that. 

More than any of that, he was really easy to talk to. He was more than willing to listen to everything Lance had to say, and the hours just…slipped away. 

This was the way things were supposed to be. This is what the romance novels talked about. 

“Kissing?” Naven asked as Lance described a story about his oldest sister, “What’s that?” 

Lance instantly blushed. “Oh, its…Its an Earth thing, I guess. It’s like, a romantic gesture, where people like...press their lips together.” He was ready to implode now. 

Naven nodded. “And that’s…pleasurable?”

Lance shrugged, thinking back on making out with Brittany. “Yeah…yeah it is.”

Naven scooched closer, “Would you…” He looked down, looming over Lance with his four wide black eyes with rings of a strange purplish-blue in them. They looked like a nebula… “Would you possibly…be willing to show me?”

Lance hesitated. “I…” this was the moment of truth, was he gay or wasn’t he, “I…I…yeah.”

Naven leaned down and Lance stretched up, and in moments their lips gently pressed together. Lance leaned up more, trying to deepen it…

Still no sparks.

But who cared, it felt just as good as kissing Karen or Brittany. Maybe even a bit better. Suspiciously better…

Lance leaned back, just far enough to break the kiss but not to get out of Naven’s hold. “You…you’ve kissed before, haven’t you?”

Naven gave a sly smile. “Forgive me for the small lie. But…it did work well enough.”

“You smooth motherfu—mm” Naven went to kiss him again, pressing Lance into the couch, feeling up his sides and his back. Lance mirrored his motions, finally letting himself play out his idea of digging his fingers through he hair. 

Naven was the one to break the kiss this time, after basically flattening Lance to the sofa. “We have another tradition,…it’s usually used for reproduction, but sometimes—“

Lance cut him off with a nod, “I know what sex is,” He explained. Naven still waited, and it took Lance a second to realize what he was waiting for. “Oh! Yes. Yes, I’d like—“ That was all Naven needed before kissing him again.

 

Later, driving his pod the short distance back to the ship, Lance was trying to determine if he was happy. 

It’d make a lot of sense if he was happy. He has officially, by all appropriate definitions, punched in his V-card. Alright, he knew that virginity was a made up concept but there was still a sense of pride there.

But...it was kinda awkward. Not quite Brittany-awkward, and Naven clearly knew what he was doing. And he was caring and considerate and paused to try and make things feel good for Lance. 

Lance..kinda wished he hadn’t. Wished Naven had just…done what he needed to make himself pleased. God he was so awkward, he didn’t know what he was doing, and what’s worse…he didn’t think…he didn’t think he wanted to. 

He shook holding his controls. It was really good beforehand. And really good after. But during…

He shook his head. He didn’t want to think about it. 

He was still shaking by the time he reached the ship and made his way to the kitchens for a late night snack. That’s what he needed. Just some space goo to get his mind right. 

“Fun night?” Keith asked, sitting at the couch drinking a juice box.

Lance jumped nearly out of his skin. He hadn’t seen him there. “Quiznak man, what the hell?”

Keith snickered, “You’re back late.”

“Yeah? So what?” he said grabbing a plate from the dishwasher and heading for the goo machine. 

“Did it not end well?” Keith asked. 

“What’s got you all nosy all of a sudden?” Lance said, frowning and ignoring Keith. 

Keith shrugged, “I just thought that when you finally got laid and weren’t kidnapped you’d like, throw a party or something.”

Lance tried to think of a witty comeback or something, but his mind was still kinda reeling so he stayed silent. 

“Lance?” Keith said, confused as to why Lance wasn’t even engaging in their usual banter, “Everything alright?”

Lance swallowed awkwardly, grabbing his goo plate and trying to make his way to his room. Keith’s alerts had gone up though, and he blocked his path. “’m fine,” Lance said, trying to push past. 

“You’re shaking,” Keith said, watching him. Lance swallowed and looked away. “Lance…Did Naven…I mean…did he hurt you?”

“What? No!” Lance protested, shaking his head, “No no, nothing like that. It was…it was great. We had a great time. It was…it was great…”

Keith squinted at him. Lance froze, waiting for his opportunity to escape. “You can talk to me, you know. I mean if you need…help or something.”

“I don’t need help! Damn!” He pushed Keith away. “I’m FINE, god.” 

Keith watched him go, and Lance was…almost reluctant. Now that Keith wasn’t stopping him, he wished he did,

 

Lance went back to Naven’s a few times. It didn’t get any less awkward, and Lance was getting worried Naven was getting…unsatisfied. Lance just kept freezing up and wishing it was over, even though he put himself there expecting it to get better. 

Keith kept glaring at him every time he went off to visit the other ship. Or maybe he just was staring intently. It was sometimes hard to tell. Lance just hoped he didn’t go to anyone else about it, but no one else looked at him weird, so Lance thought he was safe for now.

Finally, as they had nearly reached the senator’s new planet, Lance had just gotten a message from Naven. He read it several times in the common room. 

That was where Keith cornered him. 

Lance didn’t pay much attention, just reading his message over and over again. “Look,” Keith said, apparently deciding not to wait for Lance to acknowledge him, “I don’t know what’s going on with you, but I know it’s bad and it has something to do with Naven. If he knows, you need to tell us and we can handle him. If he doesn’t, you need to tell him. It’s not fair keeping secrets like that if you’re gonna keep seeing him. At the very least you can’t keep seeing him! I know it’s doing…something to you and—“

“He broke up with me,” Lance said. He said it soft enough Keith nearly steamrolled over him, continuing his rant.

Keith blinked a second. “What?”

Lance held up the message. “He’s going with his people, and I’m gonna be with Voltron. We’re clearly not going anywhere relationship-wise and he…wants more. So.” Lance shrugged. He kinda felt like crying, but the tears stubbornly didn’t come out. It’s not like he didn’t know this was coming. Had imagined how to say goodbye to Naven himself. But since Naven had been the one to end things…it felt different. Especially as he was worried their split was over more than just the distance between them.

Keith came over and sat beside him. “I’m sorry,” he said, genuinely. 

Lance took a deep inhale through his nose. “It’s okay. I’m okay.”

“I’m starting to get the feeling that the more you say that, the less you’re ok.” Keith said, tilting his head.

Lance thought of a number of responses, from breaking down in tears to angrily arguing with Keith and telling him it wasn’t his business. He finally came up with, “Way to go, mullet.” Without the usual bite to his insult. 

Keith didn’t seem to know how to take that, so they sat in silence for a long time. Keith hesitantly reached over and took Lance’s communicator and set it down. He scooted close enough to Lance that they were touching. Lance leaned into it, and they stayed there for a while.

 

Lance kept his flirting a bit more shallow from then on. He still liked to flirt, a wink here, a fingergun there, and he. He still wanted a partner. He did. Just maybe not…not like Naven or Brittany. Not someone who wanted a lot of…

He shook his head, thoughts like that always making him tense up. He didn’t need that right now. 

Besides, things were hard enough dealing with Voltron stuff. Allura was captured, the lions got separated, they found a secret society, Keith was a galra, they got a plan to fight Zarkon, Shiro went missing and now Keith was Black Paladin. 

And Lance felt more and more…isolated. Somewhere along the lines he’d stopped seriously flirting, with the distinct impression that if for some reason someone grew interested in him, they would quickly get disappointed like…like Naven did. 

Not to mention his other problems, dealing with all the lion switching and trying to figure out his place on the team…Hunk was more occupied than ever in tech stuff, Pidge was her usual amount, Keith and Allura were doing leader/princess things and Lance…

Lance should have felt relieved when they found Shiro. Shiro was his hero his mentor, his FRIEND, and he’d been devastated when he’d gone missing. Now, though, he was….scared. and he was so, so, SO guilty all he could think of was himself, but. 

He ran a hand through his hair, his thoughts spiraling back and forth at ridiculous speeds. He wished there was someone by him, next to him, someone who could get him through this…He had friends, but…not a…not a person. A person of his own…but he was also terrified of having a person of his own. 

He was still thinking about it when Pidge came over to play video games. The amount of sheer junk in her own room ensured that the system stayed in his own. 

Normally, Lance was the kind of guy to just blurt out his words, much to his own detriment in the past, but today he felt…hesitant. He wanted to get his words right. Seeing that was useless, he just said, “Hey Pidge?”

“Mm?” Pidge said, focusing on grinding for coins to buy the special heavy armor.

“How, uh…how did you know you were ace?”

Pidge shrugged “How’d you know you were bi?”

Lance’s leg started shaking. Technically he hadn’t come out as Bi, it was just kinda…assumed, and Lance didn’t correct anyone. “But that’s different. I mean, I liked people. I had a girlfriend and a boyfriend. How do you…know? Like do you just not feel anything?”

Pidge sighed. “No, not quite. I mean, I like people and want to be friends with them. But sex and romance? I don’t think so.”

“It doesn’t interest you?” Lance asked, “At all?”

Pidge shrugged again, “Not really? I mean, I’d love having like, a close friend to hang out with and talk to and stuff. But kissing? Touching weirdly? I dunno, not for me. Why?”

Lance bit his tongue, thinking, “So, that’s the difference, right? Wanting sex or…wanting that kind of stuff?”

“I mean, there are sex-positive aces,” Pidge said, “And sex neutral and sex repulsed. It’s much more about your attraction for a person rather than the sex itself. I mean, all my junk’s in the right places and works properly, I just don’t want anyone using the equipment.”

Lance flinched. It was weird hearing Pidge talking so crass about herself. “But like,” He said, “But how do you KNOW?”

Pidge rolled her eyes dramatically, pausing the game and throwing down the controls. “Shit man, I dunno! It’s kinda hard to prove a negative, but I never have before! Before Hunk told me what Asexual was, I thought I was broken, because I couldn’t feel things like you did!” 

Lance’s eyes instantly filled with tears. He tried to wipe them away before Pidge noticed, but that was kinda hard when Pidge was right there. “Lance?” 

“I’m sorry,” Lance whispered, desperately blinking and breathing heavily to get himself back under control. “I’m—I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to pry, really,”

Pidge stared at him like he was one of her machines that didn’t work the way she was expecting, and tried to figure out where the error in her code was. “Lance, why did you ask?”

He sniffled. “It was just curiosity. I promise, I don’t mean to be rude or anything.”

Pidge’s brow furrowed. “Lance did you…in the Garrison…did you…NOT feel those things?”

Lance swallowed. “I don’t…I don’t know,” he finally admitted, and it was one of the scarier things he’d ever said. “I wasn’t like you, I like kissing, and I like people and being with people and—“

“And…sex?” Pidge asked, “Did you like that too?”

Lance tensed up, shrugging into himself. “I…I…I don’t know. Maybe? I don’t…know what it’s supposed to feel like. So how do I know if I’ve had it?”

Pidge took a deep sigh, “Proving a negative…it’s the worst…”

“Like, maybe I just need to have sex with the right person,” Lance said, “Someone who I’m compatible with, and can show me.”

Pidge was the one to wince at that. “Yeah, maybe…” she said, “Do you think that’s what it is?”

Lance wanted to say yes. Oh god did he. But that little voice of doubt in the back of his head was louder than ever as it stopped him and…what did he think? “I don’t…know.”

“Do you want to keep trying?” Pidge asked “To see if you like it?” 

Lance was instantly gripped by fear at the prospect of being back…of doing that again…of trying. He shut his eyes, trying to keep the images out.

“Whoa, okay, okay,” Pidge said, “I’m going to take that as a ‘no.’”

Lance swallowed, breathing evenly to keep his emotions in check, “Do you think I’m ace?”

Pidge scratched the back of her neck. “That is…way up there on the list of things I can’t answer for you. Do you feel asexual?”

Lance held his arms around himself. “I don’t want to be.”

Pidge scooched closer. “Why not?”

“Because I’m not you, Pidge!” Lance said, harsher than he meant, “I’m not aromantic. I want a someone to love me, and…and someone I can love!” 

“You can have that and still be asexual,” Pidge said. 

“But no one will want me!” Lance said, losing what little control he had as tears started flowing. “There’s…there’s so few humans who are ace, and I haven’t met many aliens who are either. And a lot of the ones who ARE are aro too, and then there are the ones who don’t like men, and then just the people I’m not compatible with! The math just…doesn’t line up…” He buried his face in his arms, trying to bury his thoughts. He sniffed, snot dripping from his nose with his tears. “At least,” he said, his voice muffled by his own sleeves, “At least when I thought I was broken, I thought I could be fixed.”

Pidge breathed a deep sigh. There was a moment of silence before Lance felt her plop down beside him. “Well that’s…a lot to unpack.” He sobbed to himself. “Look, Lance, I’m…really not good at emotional mushy gushy stuff, so, lets start with some math. Of humans, studies show over 1% of the population is Ace. And even that might be skewed a bit low, what with terrible sex education and such so people don’t even know it’s a thing. So if we generalize—a lot—we could estimate the human population matched the universe’ population. And the universe? Is infinite. Do you know what 1% of infinity is?” Lance didn’t respond. “It’s still infinity.”

Lance lifted his head slightly, listening. Pidge seemed encouraged and continued, “And that’s not even taking into account cultural and biological differences in aliens of what is seen as attraction or even what a relationship is. And sure some of that might not match your needs, but some might.

“And even if you’re pool is low,” Pidge said, “You’re looking for a compatible life partner, right?” Lance nodded slowly. “Well, then, you only need to find one.”

Lance swallowed, “But it’s so hard trying to find that one.”

“Hey Dingus, you’re 19,” Pidge said, “Heterosexual people don’t often find a permanent partner that young. Calm down a bit, will you? You’ve still got friends and things. At the very least there’s video games.”

That finally pulled a stiff laugh out of Lance. “What if…what if I’m not really Ace though? What if I just had a bad experience and I find out later it was cause of that and it’s not—“

“Tuh tuh tuhtuh,” Pidge said, putting a finger on his lips to silence him. “It’s proving a negative, remember? If you find evidence later on you can change you’re conclusions, no one’s gonna hang you for it. Besides, even if you do end up finding you’re sexually attracted to someone, you could still be demi like Hunk, or graysexual like Shiro. Those are both under the Ace umbrella.”

Lance sighed, running a hand through his hair. “Shiro’s graysexual?”

“See? The universe is already way more ace than you think,” Pidge said, patting him on the back. “Why do you think they call it ‘spACE?’”

Lance laughed again. “I’m ace,” he said to himself. It felt weird, but mostly in how…not weird it felt? Feelings were weird. “I’m ace.”

Pidge held up her fist for him to bump, “Welcome to the club.”

 

Lance decided to ‘come out’ at dinner. He’d never come out, really, not even after Naven, that kinda just…happened. It was significantly less dramatic than he had been expecting. 

Hunk had smiled and patted him on his back, Pidge shrugged as she already knew and Shiro had said “Thank you for telling us” all proper and fatherly and Lance might have rolled his eyes if he wasn’t shaking from nerves so bad. 

Allura and Coran didn’t know what asexual meant, of course, or really any of the human orientations, so Shiro and Hunk got into a long drawn out discussion with them of what it all meant, especially culturally on Earth.

Keith, though. Keith’s reaction was the oddest. He nodded respectfully, but his face was kinda screwed up in that weird concentrate-y face he sometimes made. “What is it?” Lance asked, now that Pidge had been dragged into the conversation as well, allowing them some pseudo-privacy, “Realizing you’re the only non-ace on the team?”

Keith blinked away his concentrated face and stared at him. “Okay…first off the term is ‘allo,’” he said, “Second…Lance, I’m ace too.”

Lance swore he heard a cartoon record scratch as it felt like his world came to a halt, “Wait, you’re…”

“Gay ace,” Keith said, “Yeah. Thought you knew.”

“NO I didn’t know!” Lance said, “I made jokes about you getting laid!”

“Oh, yeah,” Keith said, “I kinda thought you were just being aphobic.”

“Hey,” Lance whined, “I’m not THAT much of a dick.”

Keith chuckled, “No, you’re not.” He smiled at Lance, genuinely smiled.

Lance remembered all at once what made him originally think he was bi, and smiled back. “I guess Pidge was right. There really is a reason it’s called spAce.”

Keith laughed. “I guess so.” 

They turned their attention to the others just as Coran asked about what a humans reproductive system was like, met only with blushes and silence, before they all laughed realizing how uncomfortable they were. 

Lance laughed along, but found himself side-eyeing Keith for the rest of dinner. A couple of times he thought he caught Keith staring back. But…he didn’t like him, right? That’d be impossible.

He was positive.

**Author's Note:**

> let me know what you think! my tumblr is dork-empress


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